I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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