I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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