Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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