omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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