She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
