you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
