I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
