Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
