I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
