we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
