You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
