do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
