yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
