My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
