i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
