best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
