I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
