while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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