My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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