hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
