i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
