who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
