I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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