I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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