We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
