hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
