answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
