For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
