the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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