It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
