he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
