I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
