ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Two words: nipple clamps
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