May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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