Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
People in love make me want to vomit
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
