don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
