"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
