I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
