Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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