I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
