I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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