She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
