Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
