i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
