he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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