Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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