i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
