My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
