nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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