I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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