Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
